Turd of the Week (1999)

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Date

Name

Affiliation

Accomplishment

1 Jan 22 Dr. Bob Contiguglia USSF President Sucking up to Sepp Blatter
2 Jan 29 Lennart Johannsen UEFA President Supporting two referee system
3 Feb 5 Doug Newman KC Wizards General Manager Ignorance of basic economic principle
4 Feb 12 Soccer America US soccer newspaper Italian standards of postal rapidity
5 Feb 19 IFAB Law-making body Experimenting with two referee system, instant replay and distance penalties (like American football). Probably experimenting with drugs too …
6 Feb 26 Stuart Subotnick & John Kluge RotMasters investor-operator & Billionaire Puppet Master Firing Sunil Gulati
7 Mar 5 Debbie Keller US international Crybaby
8 Mar 12 Sepp Blatter FIFA President Inverting schedules
9 Mar 19 Greek Mutt Man’s best friend Taking it literally
10 Apr 9 Robbie Fowler Liverpool forward Setting ever-lower standards for crass behavior
11 Apr 16 Doug Logan MLS President Crapshoot
12 Apr 23 Position vacant. Qualified candidates, please apply.
13 Apr 30 Doug Newman KC Wizards Minister of Fun Sending enthusiastic fans to the Gulag
14 May 7 Joe Machnik MLS referee kingpin Malfeasance
15 May 14 Position vacant. Again. This is really starting to tick me off …
16 May 21 Betty Montgomery & Catherine Philbin Ohio Attorney General & MLS Commissar of Corporate Communications Grandstanding Anti-Tobaco Nazi Piddling
17 May 28 Mike Woitalla Ink-stained wretch Supporting two referee system
18 Jun 5 Dan Courtemanche MLS Commissar of Disinformation Disengenuousness
19 Jun 12 Disney Insidious agent of evil Preempting intelligence
20 Jun 19 European Union Court of Justice Justice? Dispensing ludicrous decisions, just like American courts
21 Jun 26 Charlie Stillitano RotMasters GM Where do I possibly begin?
22 Jul 17 Asia Football Confederation (AFC) Mandarins of Asian football Threatening football seppuku
23 Jul 24 Doug Logan Prãsident Crapshoot MLS Byzantine player deals
24 Jul 31 Milwaukee Rampage Former A-League Champions Losing to some U10 team
25 Aug 7 John Kluge & Stuart Subotnick Billionaire RotMasters owner & John Kluge’s Step’N’Fetchit Only the Shadow knows what evil lurks in their hearts
26 Aug 14 Position vacant. Lots of candidates though …
27 Aug 21 That Asshole I Played Against Friday Soccer Genius God’s gift to referees
28 Aug 28 Kevin Stott, George Vergara, Jorge De la Bandera Revolution-RotMasters ref crew Subjecting us to more than 90 minutes of Revolution-RotMasters “action”
29 Sep 4 Don ‘Shemp’ Garber Prãsident Crapshoot MLS Wo ist?
30 Sep 11 MWN Sports Con artists Spam, spam, spam, spam …
31 Sep 18 Jonathan Kraft NE Revolution honcho/daddy’s boy Giving cake to the proletariat
32 Sep 25 MLS Competition Committee Murderers Blowing out knees like TV Lenny blows out stereos
33 Oct 16 Scotland Police Jackbooted Happy Warriors Doing what 600 years of English rule couldn’t do
34 Oct 23 Position vacant. Some morons, but no Turd …
35 Oct 30 Lynne Meterparel San Jose Clash … err … Earthquakes GM Godawful team slogan
36 Nov 6 Francisco Marcos USL Generalissimo Conspiracy
37 Nov 13 David Russell, Tim Taylor & JoAnne Taylor A dick & two nuts Skewered priorities
38 Nov 20 Charlie Stillitano Still the RotMasters GM, after all these fuckups Incompetence above & beyond the call of doody
39 Nov 27 Massachusetts State Police Public servants? Doing proud fascist thugs the world over
40 Dec 4 Sven-Goran Eriksson Lazio coach Control freak
41 Dec 11 Nicolas Anelka Real Madrid forward Giving his life for our sins
42 Dec 18 Francisco Marcos USL Generalissimo Conspiracy. What else? Again.

1999 Turd of the Year

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