Turd of the Week #3

True Genius at Work

My copy of Soccer America arrived yesterday. No, they are not the turds (though their editorial Q&A on the web site is rather fecal), no it contains news of two potential turds: Tom King/Mark Noonan (USSF chief operating officer, and USSF managing director of marketing and planning, respectively) and Doug Newman, GM of the Kansas City Wizards.

An earnest looking Tom King is pictured in suit & tie with an overambitious flow chart that appears to indicate his plan to win the women’s Olympics and World Cup every competition between now and 2010. How does he plan on doing this? By spending $10-15 million on the men’s programs, but only $3.5 million on the women’s programs. Hello? Our women actually win. Our men haven’t. In war, it is not tactically wise to reinforce failure. In business, this is known as throwing good money after bad. His partner in crime, Mark Noonan, interviewed in the accompanying article, spouts alot of marketing buzz words, but no apparently solid plans. To whit: “Citing the development of a ‘dynamic, multimedia’ Internet program over the next 18 months, Noonan says such a project could become a profit center for the federation in three to five years, primarily through e-commerce, sponsorship and other services.” Anyone who has been to what passes for USSF’s current web site knows this is an undertaking roughly on par with the Three Gorges Dam. And after blowing those millions, they expect to make a profit on it? Name me one solely internet based company that makes a profit. Just one. Thus Tom and Mark are highly reccomended co-candidates for Turd of the Week.

Our other candidate, Doug Newman, is also nominated due to his marketing sense. Doug, whose KC Wizards have seen their attendance plummet to high school levels offers this gem for luring fans back into Arrowhead Stadium: raise ticket prices for walk-up fans! Doug thinks this will cause the casual fan to buy season tickets, rather than simply not come at all. Wow, wish I thought of that. Then I could be a marketing … ummm … wiz for a failing team!

For his extraordinary ignorance of basic economics:

Doug Newman

Turd of the Week

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