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The TotW is a reward bestowed on the cretins, jerks, morons, bozos, and buffoons who spare no effort in ruining the Beautiful Game.
Steve Sampson & Charlie Stillitano |
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1999 | 2000 | 2001 | 2002
Turd of the Week (TotW) was a soccer blog I edited, and mostly wrote, from 1999-2002. It was one of the first sports blogs on the internet, years before the word “blog” was even coined. TotW was on Sepp Blatter’s case long before anyone else: He not only was the second ever Turd, but voted the biggest Turd in TotW’s first 100 issues.
TotW Oath
Benefits of Membership: Actually there isn’t a membership, not even a secret decoder ring or “foreign allocation”, but if you take the oath you too may write for Turd of the Week. All your submission has to do is be funny and/or agree with the editor’s own personal views. What do you get out of it, a book deal like Paul Gardner? No, just the self-satisfaction of knowing you’ve skewered some wanker who desperately needs impalement.
Turd of the Week Oath: “I, <name>, TotW <editor/loyal reader/other TotW staff position>, do hereby swear upon my soul, my mother’s grave, a sweaty old boot the dog chewed up, and most importantly my team scarf, to spare no effort, to shirk no sacrifice, in pursuing to ends of the Earth the cretins, jerks, morons, bozos, and buffoons who persist in ruining the Beautiful Game. I will not rest until every knob who works for MLS has been found a TotW dishonoree.”
Take the TotW Oath by clipping the above, filling in the blanks, and emailing it to Preston McMurry. Your name will be included below.
The following persons have taken the TotW Oath:
- Preston McMurry, Editor
- Alex Butler, Loyal Reader
- Amanda Miller, First Lady
- Andy Upton, Loyal Reader
- Andrew ‘Elninho’ Hsieh, Resident Chemist / Blue Rider
- Anthony Calabrese, Supreme Legal Eagle
- Anthony ‘HammerHead Balboa’ Fernandez, Loyal Reader
- Bill Archer, Chief Apologist
- Bill Quigley, Chicago Correspondent
- Brian Baxter, Bay Area Correspondent
- Brian ‘Ghost Dog’ Leiszter, Pornographic Film Critic
- Brian ‘Tiberius’ Guilfoos, Royal Engineer
- Chris Caron, Agitator and 5th Columnist
- Dan ‘AndyDan’ Anderson, Loyal Reader
- Dave Morris, Paul Gardner Memorial Paper Coach
- Dave Schulz, Speculum Technician
- Doug Welch, Loyal Reader
- Dr. Chuck Pearson, Rumormonger (Columbus Branch)
- Edward K. ‘Blue Lightning’ Simpson, Broke College Student / Cheap Bastard
- Erich Gipson, Tampa Bay Correspondent / Roving Reporter
- Eric W. Miller, Loyal Reader Extraordinaire
- Jerome Berglund, Loyal Reader
- Jim Gregory, Bribe Taker
- Jonathon Long, Intern
- Kevin ‘The Gooner’ Essington, Histrionicist
- Jeff Parker, Loyal Reader
- John McCall, Olympic Briber
- Mark Harrison Coker, Loyal Reader
- Mark Molina, Loyal Reader & Alaves Supporter
- Matt Larson, Iowa City Bureau Chief
- Michael Heaney, Environmental Engineer
- Michael Lamb, Secretary of Propaganda
- Michael Lattarulo, Unofficial Washington Lobbyist / Misanthrope
- Michael Witry, TotW Minister Without Portfolio
- Mike Carroll, Loyal Reader
- Mike DePriest, Loyal Reader
- Mike ‘mikeyratt’ Garbett, Loyal Reserve Team Member
- Mike Jones, Liaison
- Mike ‘Merlin’ Storey, Porcelain InspectorGood Lord!What’s with all the Mikes? How about some equal time for the Basils and Percivals of the world?
- Nick ‘Tree’ Rollins, Little Drummer Boy
- Nobby Watts, Loyal Reader
- Peter Goldstein, Watcher of Every Minute of the World Cup since 1986
- Rich Paschette, Indoor Don Quixote
- RobbyG, Loyal Reader
- Robert McMullen, Loyal Reader
- Roberto Alvarez, Affirmative Action Coordinator
- Ron Stickney, Loyal Reader
- Sean Swift, Third Division Superstar
- Sean Brockette, Special Operations Commander
- Sean ‘Blue’ Cable, TotW loyal reader
- Scott ‘Arbitro’ Armstrong, SOTG Interpreter
- Scott Weckman, NTX Coach
- Slava ‘Shurik’ Malamud, Reserve Goalkeeper
- Stephen J. Holroyd, Historian
- Steve ‘stevieb’ Bunten, Loyal Reader
- Thomas ‘Nanook’ Agosti, Alaska Correspondent
- Tim Morris, Philosopher-at-Large
- Trevor Sunderland, Hong Kong Correspondent
- William ‘Frustrated Left Back’ Berry, TotW Recidivist Felony Offender (and some other $10 words)
