Turd of the Week (2000)

#

Date

Name

Affiliation

Accomplishment
43 Jan 8 Diego Maradona Coked up has-been Making that pile of powder in “Scarface” look like a molehill
44 Jan 15 Hank Steinbrecher USSF Massa Keeping the help in their God-given place
45 Jan 29 Hasbro Corporate raiders Plundering cherished memories
46 Feb 26 John Norquist & Tim-MAY! Krause Tree hugger & Carpet bagger Tearing down beautiful freeways
47 Mar 4 USP Fry Cooks McDonald’s washouts Service with a smile
48 Mar 11 Newcastle United & (In)Justice Blackburne Used Car Dealers of the Year Read the fine print, dummy.
49 Mar 18 Nicolas Anelka Jolly St. Nic Turning out for his club once a year
50 Apr 1 Position Vacant – –
51 Apr 8 Galatasaray Murderers Official club & government sponsored hooliganism
52 Apr 15 UEFA Heartless bastards Blindly adhering to the rules
53 Apr 22 Big Mouth Asshole Parents (BMAPs) Big mouth assholes Being loud & obnoxious assholes
54 Apr 29 NCAA Nazi colleges Exploitating athletes
55 May 13 The Casual Fan Small mouth asshole Being obnoxiously quiet assholes
56 May 27 Ivan Gazidis MLS personnel czar Turning MLS into Major Laughing Stock
57 Jun 3 Kosovo Albanians Bratty little sister Punishing athletes
58 Jun 10 Position Vacant – –
59 Jun 17 MLS Would be American 1st Division Treating Open Cup like toilet paper
60 Jun 24 The Press Urinalists Yellow journalism
61 Jul 1 Jeff Carron School board president Yuppy safety Nazi
62 Jul 15 Metros Fans Who Love Oldfart Deaf, dumb & blind kids Willfully denying reality
63 Jul 22 ESPN – The Twilight Zone Mindless chimps Fear of losing bananas
64 Jul 29 Don Garber Prãsident Major Laughing Stock Being el Mierdador’s bitch
65 Aug 12 Luis Figo Erstwhile Barca midfielder Graceless jerk
66 Aug 19 Ivan Gazidis MLS personnel czar Reeping the weeds he sowed
67 Aug 26 Frank DuRoss Rochester Rhinos president Not practicing what he preaches
68 Sep 9 Bradford City Council Local Government Scrooges Damning another generation of English football
69 Sep 16 Thomas Rongen DC United’s supposed coach Alchemy
70 Sep 23 Pat Bishop Funny, funny guy Not being very funny
71 Sep 30 Clive ‘CC Sr’ Charles & Conor ‘CC Jr’ Casey US Olympic Coach & Coach’s Pet Olympian incompetence & nepotism
72 Oct 14 MetroStars Ivan the Terrible’s pet team Not fulfilling league-mandated destiny
73 Oct 21 Big Mouth Asshole Parents (BMAPs) Total lack of perspective Making Balkans look peaceful
74 Oct 28 Sergey Sukov Ego-impaired idiot Screwing my fantasy team
75 Nov 11 KPMG Bean counters Getting in early holiday mood
76 Nov 15 Sepp Blatter Bumbling FIFA chief Ethical inconsistency
77 Dec 9 1860 München Unterhaching reserves Wah, wah, wah all the way home
78 Dec 16 Diego Maradona God’s right hand Classless jerk

2000 Turd of the Year